It’s allowed to be sad. Sometimes it’s necessary to not be heroic or a beacon in the darkness. I think that living with autism close by can be a hate-love relationship and suppressing sadness will in end tear down the joy.
Take a moment to reflect over what could have been and then put those thoughts away again for the next year or so. If you are the least like me you will probably find strength and beauty in the darkest thoughts to help you focus on the extraordinary circumstances you have been blessed with and the wonderful souls that needs you.