When in doubt, do your best and keep your head high.

I know I haven’t updated this blog in a long time, and I’m sorry for that, but I won’t feel guilty. The reason I have been absent is mainly studies. I have been studying at university half-time, working full-time and prepared for a forensics certification on my free time since this summer.
Now my university studies for this semester are completed and my certification is halfway done. There has been times when I’ve thought that I won’t meet the requirements for the certification (which , in my opinion, compared to other certifications is quite hard) I’m now starting to believe that I actually got what it takes to hold a CCE certification. Finally the boss at my work decided to give me a double rise of my salary, mainly because of the effort I put in to create a smooth and competent Incident Response Team.
So, now that you understand that I’ve been busy you probably wonder what this has with autism to do. Well, in my head it has lots of connections to my children and our life. I won’t lie and say it’s never hard to be parent of autistic children but in my opinion one gains much more than one loses. My gain is the experience that hard times are best fought through with discipline and elbow grease, only those who give up, or surrender the control to others lose. I also have learnt to focus on my goals, not on where I am at the moment.
My son has, just by existing, helped me sit late at nights and convert thousands and again thousands of hexadecimal bytes into files, to learn file signatures, to identify how different file systems stores data. He has helped me with my programing skills and I’m today programing C++, C# and Python with ease, and he has motivated me to continue to expand my knowledge with full time university studies next term on top of my work.
The reason is, how strange it may sound, my children’s future. I want to, try to become one of the better in my area of expertise. I wish to be able to pick my future workplaces with my son’s best in mind. Perhaps leave this cold winter, perhaps earn enough money to hire a full-time assistance at home as he grows older and needs more help.
I might be in doubt, and this might be my way to keep my head high, but I think that as long as I do my best I have no reason to feel guilt.


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